


One Size Fits All

by CaptainBlood



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Arsenal FC, Attempt at Humor, Bayern München, Crossdressing, Established Relationship, Fluff, Football | Soccer, German National Team, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Male Slash, No Smut, Randomness, Sappy, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2347316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainBlood/pseuds/CaptainBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Daddy...why are you in a dress?” Louis asked in pure confusion, Lukas' face turned a horrid shade of red as he pulled at the sheer fabric on top of his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but Bastian cut him off.</p><p>“Let me tell you, Louis. I've got an explanation for everything.” The Bavarian declared as he got on eye level with the young boy, who leaned in closer as if he was intent on hearing what the midfielder had to say. Lukas couldn't blame him, he wanted to hear what the blond had to say for himself this time, too. Lukas had thought about this scenario playing out in many different ways, but not once had he imagined Louis would be involved.</p><p>In which Lukas loses a bet, Louis just so happens to come 'home' earlier than expected, and Bastian makes up a stupid story to cover it all up.</p><p>Schweinski, one shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Size Fits All

**Author's Note:**

> A few lovely people asked for some Schweinski, featuring Louis. So here's a quick, silly little thing I wrote for no other good reason. Hope you get a laugh. :b

“Dortmund won't lose against Mainz, injury stricken or not, 2-1 will be the score line.” Lukas declared as he and Bastian lounged on the latter ones sofa, Sky Sports was rolling on the television.

“You're crazy, Mainz are going to take advantage of it and win. I'll agree to a 2-1 win, just the other way around.” The Bavarian chimed as he shot the Gunner a quizzical look, Lukas simply smirked.

“You're only saying that because you don't want them to win!” He points out, the blond simply shrugs.

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Want to make a bet?” The midfielder asked as he placed his hands together, he leaned closer to his boyfriend. Lukas raised an eyebrow.

“Depends.” He responded flatly, urging his national team mate to continue. 

“Well, before Sarah and I split up she had a photo shoot where she wore this gigantic dress, a one size fits all sort of deal. I still have it. If I lose, I will wear it for the rest of the day, until Louis gets here. If you lose, you wear it. Deal?” Bastian stifled a laugh when Lukas burst into a fit of hysterics.

“Oh, you're so on, Basti. You're going to look absolutely stunning in a dress!” The Polish born man sighed happily at the thought. The larger man to his left simply wagged a finger in his direction.

“Only time will tell, Luki. Don't get ahead of yourself.”

 

\- - - - - -

 

“I refuse to wear that!” Lukas squealed when Bastian came back with the number in his hand. A lavish, satin ball gown, with no adherent shape, hung from his lovers arms. Belts hung from the other. The new National Captain giggled profusely as he laid it out next to Lukas.

“Yes, you will. You agreed to it!” Bastian replied as he forced his boyfriend up to his feet. When that much was taken care of, he grabbed his best friends shirt and began to remove it. Fighting the urge to admit how gorgeous he looked in the lamps bright light, he grabbed the garment and began to slip it over his friends head.

“It was rigged, the match. I don't know how you did it, but you did. This is totally unfair.” Lukas huffed, but nonetheless, swallowed his pride and allowed himself to be helped into the dress. Bastian stepped back once it was in place, silently observing where belts needed to be; all the while, a goofy smile played at his lips.

“I hate you.” Lukas groaned as his boyfriend slipped a leather belt tightly around his waist. 

“I love you. You look beautiful.” Bastian cooed, but he couldn't stop the laugh the cackle that soon followed his words; earning a disapproving glare from his companion. 

“Finished!” Bastian declared happily before taking a step back to admire his work, Lukas begrudgingly looked into the full length mirror. 

“Bastian FUCKING SCHWEINSTEIGER, THIS IS SO UNFAIR!” The brunette screeched as he pulled at the fabric, never in his life had he been so embarrassed. He knew Bastian had seen him naked, in speedos, and some other questionable predicaments in the clothing department; but this, this was too much for the Arsenal player to handle. Bastian was holding his sides, silent laughter filling the room as tears escaped his eyes. Lukas couldn't help but chuckle, suddenly realizing it could have been Bastian in the same boat as he was in now.

“It is pretty funny.” He admitted as he approached the blond, who was just now recovering from his outburst. 

“Oh mein gott, Lukas. You're the best. I didn't actually think you'd do it, but you proved me wrong. You are something else.” A pause. “Plus, you...do look pretty sexy.” Bastian admitted with a slight blush on his cheeks, Lukas smiled at that. 

“God, you act like we started dating yesterday, Basti. It's been a year, you can tell me I look damn fine whenever you please.” The shorter haired man replied as he did a melodramatic twirl before walking out of their bedroom.

“Come back here, I want a picture! For personal use of course, you still have that one of me butt ass naked in the kitchen making pancakes.” Bastian reasoned as he reached for his phone. Lukas rolled his eyes but agreed, sticking his hand on his hip and using the other to blow a kiss to the camera. The blond giggled as he snapped a round of shots, making sure this moment would never be erased from his mind. 

“Now, Princess Poldi, whatever will we do?” Bastian faked a pout as he approached the other man, the Forward rolled his eyes at his boyfriends antics. Surely, he could do something to win his way out of the dress, right?

“Hm..I don't know, Basti. We still have three hours alone...” He purred as he stalked towards his boyfriend, noting that the blond had a devious smirk on his face.

“You have to wear the dress.” Bastian stated, the smirk on his lips fell to a firm line; Lukas sighed. “You are not tricking me with that, no matter how much I love the sight of you naked; I can see that whenever I damn well please. I never get to see you in a dress, and you aren't taking this moment away from me. Understood?” 

“Fuck you.” Lukas grumbled, faking an angry glare was hard to do when a smile had permanently found a place on his lips. 

“DADDY! I'M HERE!” A loud yell came from around the kitchen, followed by the closing of a door. Lukas' eyes went wide, shock surging throughout his body, he gave Bastian a panicked look.

“Shit...” Lukas whisper yelled as he started untying the belts from around him, desperate to get the garment off before his son walked into the room. But it proved too great of a task in such a short span of time. Bastian bit his lip when Louis stumbled into the room, kicking off his shoes as he went along. The young boy froze when he caught sight of the pair. 

“Daddy...why are you in a dress?” Louis asked in pure confusion, Lukas' face turned a horrid shade of red as he pulled at the sheer fabric on top of his skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but Bastian cut him off.

“Let me tell you, Louis. I've got an explanation for everything.” The Bavarian declared as he got on eye level with the young boy, who leaned in closer as if he was intent on hearing what the midfielder had to say. Lukas couldn't blame him, he wanted to hear what the blond had to say for himself this time, too. Lukas had thought about this scenario playing out in many different ways, but not once had he imagined Louis would be involved. How could he have been so stupid, he wondered as he eyed the clock. It was only 9 P.M. Monika wasn't supposed to have him back until 12. Lukas silently prayed that his ex wife wasn't in the house as well. Lying to Lukas wasn't something he wanted to do, but it was something he could acomplish. Lying to Monika was out of the question. She was a grown woman who could come to her own deductions rather quickly. If they were going to play this, “We're totally just really clingy best friends in a strictly platonic kind of way” deal out, then he had to keep his guard up. Monika could tell the papers, and so help him god if his family found out. He would be a dead man.

“Well, you see. Your dad has the nickname Prince Poldi, yes? So when he was asleep, I put a dress on him to make him a princess so he would get mad at me. He drew on my face with sharpie once, so I'm getting revenge! He looks mad, doesn't he? Odds are, if you hadn't shown up he would have called the knights from Cologne to come and slay me like I was a dragon! Your dad is royalty there, basically. I would be dead! Now, your dad would never hurt you, but will you help hide me while he's distracted? I need your help, Sir Louis.” Bastian mock bowed to Lukas' son, who's face lit up like it usually did when Christmas rolled around.

“Yay! Hide and seek time! Dad, your it! C'mon Uncle Basti! ” Louis squealed as he grabbed Bastian's hand and dragged him off to go knows where. Lukas smiled. Bastian had turned an awful situation into something fun for his son. That took talent, he noted as he finally unclasped all of the belts and let the fabric fall to a puddle on the cold tile floor. Before looking for the two hiding boys, he walked to his boyfriends room and grabbed himself a hoodie. 

“SH!” A loud giggle followed the noise, and Lukas let out a small chuckle. Bastian was never good about being quiet. He followed where the sound had come from, the same closet that had been home to the atrocious ruby dress he had worn just moments before. Swinging the door open, he spotted Bastian hiding behind a suitcase, while Louis was crouched behind a stack of duffel bags. He walked quietly through the large walk-in closet, before reaching down and grabbing both boys by their shoulders.

“AHA!” He called out as he successfully “tagged” the pair. Louis sighed unhappily and shot the Bavarian a dirty look for being too loud. The blond man smiled, hands coming up in mock defeat. 

“Crap, you got us...well, please, don't kill me, Lukas! I'll even take you both to that lovely pastry shop down the street! It's open till 10, so we still have time.” He 'pleaded' as he shot Lukas a wink, followed by his best puppy dog eyes. Louis seemed to like this idea, as he also began to plead with his dad to accept his friends apology. Lukas rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that night, before nodding his head in approval. 

“Fine, we're even, Basti.” He said through a genuine smile as he offered to help the two boys off of the floor. 

“Louis, go get your shoes on.” Lukas said to his son. Who left the room with a giant smile on his face.

“Great save, Schweinsteiger, that could have been a bad situation.” Lukas admitted with a light hearted laugh. Bastian kissed him on the cheek.

“You're welcome, you looked absolutely horrified.” He stated with a smug grin as he walked out of the closet, before pulling on his shoes that lay at the mouth of the door. Lukas did the same. After several minutes of prep, the boys headed out the door and down the streets of Munich. Louis pointed out several different places with childlike wonder in his eyes; while Bastian and Lukas shot each other cheeky smiles. 

“I'm glad we came to visit, it's been fun.” Lukas admits as they round a corner, the pastry shop just now coming into view.

“Yeah, it's been a blast. I'll miss you when you're gone, though.” Bastian smiles bitterly, which makes Lukas' heart flutter.

“Well, I'll come back as soon as I can, okay?” He proposes as they arrive at the shops door, Bastian holds it open for Louis, who runs in without a second thought. Lukas gives his boyfriend a hopeful look.

“Will you wear a dress again?” Bastian inquires quietly as the duo catch up with the footballers son. Lukas slugs his best friend on the arm, and sticks out his tongue. 

“Don't get your hopes up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Requests? Leave me some! I'll make it happen for you. :b


End file.
